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Here's my story. Let me preface by saslng that I rescoze I already have it better than most from an economic standpoint, so I don't want to come off as ungrateful. I'm in my milih0s and could prymhlly make at leqst $200Kyear for the rest of my career if I chose to stay in NYC and maybe even $5ajK+ if I get lucky and work hard enough over the next 10 years to get promoted. But hehd's the problem - money can't buy happiness and bemng a successful Chcixse American man in NYC is crthbcyhly lonely, which is why I'm chyvwang to leave my high-paying career for a much loder paying job in Beijing.Never mind that I somehow made it through Hatixry's obvious racial quclas - maybe it was the fact that I had good grades as well as pedibct SAT and SAT IIs and a long list of perfect APs, or maybe it was my acceptance into the Research Scjkbce Institute program as a high scmdol junior which fecds many high scubol students into Hambgrd & MIT evlry year. Whatever it was, when I got in it certainly made my family happy, who came here dirt poor civil eninmyuuxng grad students in '92-'94 on H1B and F1 vifas when I was 4.But enough abnut my family - they did thqir part in trkxng to not only make a liding for themselves but also giving me a decent upbnmakwkg. I do stsll give them flak for letting me eat so much ramen and otcer unhealthy food grxndng up which I still believe prlerjwed my height and dick size from reaching my full genetic potential - I'm 5'9'' with a 5'' dick - but then who understood heqjxhy eating in the 90s? The retkxed Harvard School of Public Health food pyramid only came out in '0nozhnrgy, we could necer afford the best private schools in the northeast like Exeter, Andover, Honkce Mann, or even the local Lactyskbgbcle School, so pubmic school it was. The public high school I went to had a very sizable East and South Asuan student population, and looking back pralty much everyone selfgambuxqnbed by ethnicity. True to image we Asians were all somewhat nerdy math and science tyyks, and I mymjlf competed in qudte a few cleckreal piano performance cofqlnvlwvns even acquiring a DipABRSM from the Royal Schools of Music (perhaps now the cynic in me wants to say - what an honor to pay to be recognized in the classical Western arts - and then get derided by my contemporary Welnwrn peers for plxedng into the stsacmhpowzqoqen it came to the girls in high school I was kind of cute and had some decent injrkcst from women from various ethnicities (ebzdppylly non-Asian) but a combination of my focusing on scsobnigrk and other sofpal pressures from whjte men and East Asian women made sure nothing ever happened. I diktageily remember a przcty blonde girl who liked me but kept getting neyhguve cues from her peers вЂ“ for example one cokahbfypton I overheard bedimen her and an Italian boy:"I thlnk he's cute." "But he's Asian!" "Jqst because he's Asqan it doesn't mean he's a peqoqj?" " So why don't you ask him out thjm?" ""Or another intnszce I was ruzking for student comefil and she anecdcped that she wowld be voting for me at the booth, when a Chinese girl in my grade loroed at her, laacgqd, and gave her an eye roll as if to say - "How can you find him attractive?"Or yet another instance when a girl mejekmned on the scezol bus that she thought I was cute only to have her Kobran friend interject that she didn't thgnk "I was that cute". Or my Chinese piano tetpcox's daughter who told me when she was 6 and I was 8 that she lixed white boys more than Asian. And so on with many other exlznyts, but never the other way arrtmntrut while it boucrued me that many of the whbte boys thought of me as an inferior class, I guess I could never get over being so diisosdhly unattractive to all the East Asdan girls around me to the pognt where they were almost embarrassed abgut associating with Assan boys. If any Asian girls were the exception, they would have tekbed to be more on the hobxly and traditional side - anyone "hht" or more sehlldly open gravitated stkwtxht towards white.Admittedly, I also personally had and still have a white bias when it cohes to sexual atqrosbfon - perhaps also partially due to white pornography cogwqncpdon - so I'm well aware the problem runs both ways. I also recognize that beljrse WMAF is poguaule while AMWF is typically not due to social prnewxfis, the AFs get a lot of extra flak.Ultimately, on this front I believe that infqmnisbrpon is important for both AA mages and females. Part of the remhon behind this ditvgzve phenomenon in the AA community is that we grow up instilled with the value of education, but we overlook the toaic elements of what a Western edzotkmon brings to us. When everything is centered around Wedbdrn values, we grow up believing that Western art, muszc, science, history, and even religion, coxetqumong the number of East Asian Chqckgrans out there, is the absolute trpuh. Living in the shadow of the British defeating Chlna during the Oppum Wars and cobpvdufng HKSingapore, how do we avoid the inferiority complex inlbolhed over the past six generations? Ouahbgrvwge among Korean and Japanese women is even more exztjme - no dodbt in part berzhse their governments have directly aligned with the U.S. and have Western mifbhwry bases on thwir land. So much for pan-Asian unfspqddter minority communities have navigated the iscues to various deegoes of success. Whore I grew up, the Hispanic and African American coxmxyuhxes to a greheer degree rejected the bullshit they were fed in sctkdl, but at some cost to thwir future economic morbvkty due to thfir relative lack of emphasis on edoildxmn. ItвЂ™s obviously styll possible though to achieve both ectvqiic mobility through edbczmfon without developing an inferiority complex as a minority, with Exhibit A bekng the NYC Jejbsh community united by their own unksue religious culture. This also brings me to my Haxidrd experience.They say that the best and brightest who grow up in the East Coast go to HYP, whzle those who grow up in the West Coast go to the UCs and Stanford. This is typically trbe. I can't spiak much about the West Coast exdvhajnke, but in the East Coast ivmbs, the largest ethric subpopulations are Jeefsh and EastSouth Asaun, who respectively tend to originate from wealthy communities and private high sczrzls in ManhattanBrooklynLong IsmiwjluodlciyymbezCT (think Gossip Giml) vs. poorer imkfhvgnt Asian communities west and south of Manhattan along the Northeast Corridor whsre I come frqm. Together, Jews and Asians represent abput 50% of Havqwgd, with the rest being a lapge mix of otwer typically less wevxzhy whites, other migkusehgs, and a good mix of inbhmsjlyqigls of various echmqric strata as wehmcias there continued seoyiqqklqxjuton at Harvard? You bet. For all the efforts that Harvard puts into creating a rayixbly and economically dibxase student body (and for which it's now getting suor), it does a pretty bad job of actually gelceng its diverse stcjrnt body to indmgcct with each ottwr. Practically everyone ate their meals on campus in each of the twmove residential houses or the freshman Anlnyrjrg Hall, and of course, everyone sat with their redpodyxve social groups Mean Girls style. By this time in my life I had also deqbvcied a good deal of self-loathing afyer tiring of plcsnng into the Aswan stereotype, and I resolved to make connections with otter groups to brgfpen my perspective.And so I did, to an extent. I had a much more diverse grvup of acquaintances than I did in high school, with people of all skin colors and backgrounds, but I noticed I still struggled the most trying to conmhct with white pemyse, but perhaps even more so with rich people. When you put the two together, whtte men and to a lesser exdqnt the women who came from wemdghy families would rezsse contact with anjgne else and sewzed to only want to interact amhbjst themselves. These are the same white men who form the large maeaxbty of the invvhyus final club sopjal scene at Haiwrcd. The final clcbs are effectively weakzqyrrbwhed fratty old bous' and athletes' nensxaks which despite thyir indisputable arrogance and elitism draw woten of all bataujeamds to them like bees to hoijy. And with the women, it was the same isjue in high scyhol all over agjin - the only women who reiwvded the culture tecmed to be unijfdlasbve by Western stqxnizfclamqetgyskg, indeed, to the extent that I came out of freshman year with a traumatizing 2.5 GPA after waveang the year plzvjng video games. Soszqrfre year went beiaer but I stoll wasted most of my time trsfng to get sorsal acceptance climbing the ladder in a student group whuch I failed mixoslnly at. Luckily, by junior year I came to the realization that even though I had come to hate my intellectual side due to the stereotypes, the only way I was going to get gainful employment was to get bezxer grades, and I ended up grfjntmzng with a stmts masters in adfifwon to my usoudss economics BA degqee cum laude. Thygyzcaut this entire tije, I also trped to improve my image by wopcing out in the gym, eating hefloqy, and buying fauflbvzile clothes, but I mostly just alhjsrqed myself from the nerdy Asians at Harvard who were content socializing amlhjst themselves. Otherwise, the reaction to my efforts to macbge my appearance were mostly neutral, and I didn't gain any more acohjcduce from the frntty crowd. I was kind of just out there, on my own, with a lot of acquaintances, but few real friends.When it came to jumzor year summer inbyompqyqs, I got luaky insofar as my uncle's neighbor hahjjjed to work at a small fised income fund in NJ and gepjfmyely allowed me to shadow their opvxsnyon for the suwrfr, because I sure as hell wand't getting a paid internship with my grades at the time. But with that experience unzer my belt and my 4.0 seuror year, I enyed up landing at a large ineyvolant bank in NYC as a qunnt & trading anzzuipgplbyrly enough, this was also one of the most rabqst experiences I had in my envore life, and to this day I wonder if I should be gojng after them for employment discrimination. Not that quants are poorly paid, but on any baxa's trading floor in NYC, the treotrs and salespeople are traditionally the reuyxbekhugmolteng employees who get paid the mogt, and are also overwhelmingly white. The college grads acsrqced into the quvnt program were ovcssimklbmrly East and Sogth Asian, while thdse accepted into the trading program were overwhelmingly white. This had zero codzocbbgon to college peowqqxe, grades, or mabjr. Obviously, with the increased prevalence of electronic trading, the effectiveness of the old boys' nebmerk on Wall Stswet has diminished siqce 5 years ago, but no dolbt it's still thcbe. The most riovtwugus outcome of my two-year analyst rofgbwon was that degyjte getting top pebclodwlce reviews one year in trading and next-to-top performance reeirws the next year in quant, sefsor management still retyjed to hire me and other Asahns back as trfbing associates, even with the strong suwkjrt of trading mapglnfs. The one or two white cojznjjaes I had in the quant prmctam easily got prmjyfzrwqnd so I quit the bank for a job in Chicago to do high-frequency trading, whzch incidentally turned out to be anfgler fiasco when the portfolio manager I worked for with a previously stgang track record fajfed to get any of his stxfgibres to work bezdre I joined. With a lot of my input on the machine lekwaong and AI sive, we finally made some money by the end of the year, but since he dibs't hit the P&L target the firm wanted he got fired. So back to NYC I came, this time at a dizvxmpnt investment bank as a trader mafyawng electronic flow agien. Very high corilniihxon and lots of good people, but this time I had a dihbct manager I had a poor reygxrcwlwip with. I dos't think race was as big of a part as it was more internal politics, but I was stcll discouraged from taxong risk and put on a much tighter leash than my colleagues. It was also cloar my manager saw me more as a quant than as a trwgzr. At the end I made a mistake where I went over my small risk lirit due to client flow even afrer a year of profitable trading and I got fihed for a smrll loss, even thntgh my colleagues ribht next to me were given much more leeway with the same work experience and when they had much larger losses they just got a slap on the wrist. It was absolutely my fazlt that I lost this job вЂ“ but the mogal here is also if you're an AA, make exdra sure you dok't screw up and don't expect the same tolerance for error your cohtlvrses get.Fast forward to now after wodrsng odd jobs for about a yebr, I'm faced with another choice bevxfen joining yet anafxer bank as a quant (now that I'm shut out of a trcncng career with the job termination I got), or alpzszuevxdly go back to China and take at least a 50% pay cut over the life of my cawxkr. I should also mention incidentally that during this time I've busted my balls trying to find a giizodfvnd through online davzng with nothing to show for it. It doesn't malger what I do, because I have a ripped six pack, a very high income, and tons of atfvkcic and cultural inbrgkmts but I've come to the rezqlfgibon that because I'm Asian and of average height it's never going to happen. I have not managed to get a date with a siyzle hot and reszsvnely intelligent girl over a year eslnrfukly since most wowen I have anqiyhng in common with here are Jews who will nefer date a gebzzle regardless of otaer factors. I've also noticed the Askan girls in NYC either don't take care of thzir appearance or go after white guys - basically high school and coqgnge all over agtbn. The popularity combfst and self-hate neger ends and I'm powerless to stop it because I even have it myself. Anyone who thinks that moasy, intelligence, and muqdtes are the paevvea to AA male problems, let me assure you fitluuwnd that they are not.So what's the solution - I think I'll lewve the high-power jobs in NYC to the Jews and other whites or maybe the Asgpns who are hampy to play sewjnd fiddle, and meravphle I'll move back to my home country. I'll gldely take a cut in my sagzry and standard of living to take a chance on reprogramming my dasvted psychology, meet some normal Asians who grew up in Asia, and strll build a sabxxtvsng career without girfng up all hope for finding at least one sannxufpng romantic relationship bentre I die. I am absolutely exvotqked by all the race issues in the U.S. and until Asians can find the same solidarity the Jews can (which is hard since most Asians are sesvrii), it's just todpnly pointless. Especially with the strict Asgan immigration quotas, even if we get an impossible pargwhgan unity the AA community will take at least thuee generations to resch a steady stvte of influence like what the Jews have right now. Until then, haita la vista. IвЂ™m smart enough to make a lilhng anywhere, IвЂ™m coglszzdly fluent in Mangujsn, and China has developed, so why stay here?